I'm randomly back. I'm babysitting and have a lot of time to waste. I tried reading earlier, because that's one of the main things that I need to do this weekend, but I can't read with three kids screaming at each other, at me, at the TV, at the air, at God knows what. So here I am, after quite some time.

School is hell right now. It seems like everything has suddenly gotten a lot harder. Not just with one subject, but everything. I'm taking:

AP US History - not that hard, but still. There's a lot of work and memorization. I'm okay with it though.

Chemistry I - OH MY FREAKIN GOD! It hasn't been that hard up until this week, but I don't even know what chapter we're on anymore. I've been getting really good grades and stuff until now. I think that it's a combination of too little sleep and the material actually getting more difficult. Oh, and manga-Chris doesn't help. He was in my Biology class last year and sits beside me in Chemistry now. He is so annoying, but he gives me manga, so I put up with it. He talks to me constantly, as though I have nothing in the world that I need to do more than listen to his voice. Um, hello! I need to learn more than I need to listen to him!

Electronics I - What a freakin joke! We very rarely do any work in there, and when we do, he doesn't check it. We watch movies all the time. Let's see, so far we've watched Star Wars: The Phantom Menace, X-Men, X-Men 2, Spiderman, Spiderman 2, October Sky, Friday Night Lights, Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery, Austin Powers: The Spy who Shagged Me, Austin Powers: Goldmember, and James Bond: Goldfinger. We've barely been in school a month and have already watched all these movies. I do at least get some homework done in there, so that's good.

English III - I have Ms. Weeks and I LOVE her. She makes it fun, not that English isn't fun anyway, because it is to me. Everything just seems better when I'm in her class. Then I get out and remember the mountains of homework that I have, but at least it's fun for an hour and a half. We're doing The Crucible right now. I must say that I actually like it very much, even though I normally hate reading plays. We have to write an essay on a different character almost every night, but it's still fun. At least I understand what's going on. We have a mini-project to do on that soon. I think I'm going to write an essay about how it relates to the hunt for Arabs today. It seems like everywhere you turn, if someone's wearing a turban or looks remotely Middle-Eastern they're automatically labeled a terrorist. It should be fun to draw parallels between the two ideas. And analogies are fun. I'm about the only one in the class who thinks so, but I really do enjoy analogies very much. I do have one complaint though: I already know most of the vocabulary words, so why do I have to make notecards for them? I realize I'm probably the only one in the class who knows most of them without the damn notecards, but I do. Maybe if we could just make them for...I don't know...the ones we need them for, it would be better. It's okay though. Every teacher has at least one thing that they make you do unnecessarily. We're also doing our supplemental novels right now. It's a HUGE project on a book that we have to read in groups and stuff. We have to do about seventy-cajillion things on it. My group got Ethan Frome. It should be pretty fun. It's short and appears to be pretty easy to read and analyze and all that crap. I'm in a group with this girl named Anna (very sweet...quirky, but I like her) and another girl named Whitney. Whitney just moved here, so I don't know her very well at all, but she seems nice. Anna's fairly artistic, so I think the creative parts will probably be delegated to her. Whitney's pretty literal, so she's doing the vocabulary parts for sure and I don't know what else. I have a strange love of essays, so I'll probably be doing most of the writing parts. I think our group has this project pretty well covered. Now all we have to do is start it. We're taking the test on Monday, so we'll probably get started on the actual project next week. It looks to be fun, even though it's a lot of work.

Oh, and the play. Li'l Abner. I hate it very much. And I'm apparently too fat to get a part ever. At least, that's what my director told me. I realize that that's why I got the part I did (Dr. Finsdale) while everyone else in my grade who's been in less plays than I have and who don't have as good a voice as I do (straight from Ms. Kennedy's mouth, that's not just me being over-confident) got better parts than I did, but she didn't have to rub that in my face. Oh well, I guess I'll just have to either stop caring or lose a lot of weight. Both of these options seem impossible to me, but these are my choices.

I have 16 days until I turn 16, too! YAY! I'm going to get my license and then spend about two hours a day at home. It sounds heavenly.

Date:	2006-04-24 18:49
Subject:	New York, New York!
Security:	Public
Mood:	irritated
Music:	The Gaithers singing distantly in the background

This will actually be about my entire Spring Break, but hey, that's what I did, so why not?

( Mama's surgery )

All unpleasantness aside, I had a fabulous time in New York! We went to Radio City Music Hall, which is drop-dead gorgeous, then to the Metropolitan Museum of Art. I felt like I would appreciate the latter more if I was a student of Art, b/c all it was to me at this point in my life was a bunch of pretty pictures and sculptures and stuff. Don't get me wrong, it was interesting, but I guess I would understand it better if I knew what to look for. Then we went and checked into our hotel, which was pretty much in Times Square. That was amazing! Then we changed and went to see...are you ready for this? Wicked!!!!! It was absolutely amazing! After the show (when everyone was crying from "For Good") we went and stood outside the backstage door and got our Playbills signed! Oh, it was amazing! Maybe not for someone who doesn't give a flip about drama or musicals, but it was a once-in-a-lifetime experience for me. On the way back to the hotel we were waiting for the light for the crosswalk to change, and I (without thinking) stood on a vent on the sidewalk. Well, having just come from Wicked (I'm still squeeing over that!) I was wearing a skirt. This didn't dawn on me until Levin goes, "Suzanne!" and Chelsea reaches over and pulls my skirt down. It might have worked for Marilyn Monroe, but not for me. ::immense embarassment::

The next day we went to all the stores like we have around here (you know, American Eagle and the like), which was pretty boring, but then we went to Battery Park (I got a knock off Louis Vuitton!) and then China Town. Notice the lack of enthusiasm. It's cool b/c stuff's cheap there...and I got Corey a Buddha...and a knock off Coach bag...and that's where it ends. It stinks. That's about all that needs to be said. The incense was kind of cool in places, but the fish was everywhere and rotting fruit and...ugh. I don't know how they stand it. Wednesday night was our free night to do whatever we wanted as long as we were in a group of 3 or more. Some people shopped in Times Square, some people went back to the hotel to sleep, which confused me. I figure, "hey, you paid about $600 for this trip, you're in New York of the freakin City, do something!" But, if their idea of a good time is to sleep, go for it. Five of us got discount tickets from tkts to go see another show. Tickets for a show usually cost anywhere from $80 to $150. We got ours for $60. I was expecting some serious nosebleed seats, but no! We had orchestra seats and only about the 12th row back. We went to see Dirty Rotten Scoundrels. It's not a stunner kind of show like Wicked, but damn if it wasn't funny! It was pretty raunchy at points, but it was like a normal conversation between me and my friends, it was just hillarious b/c they were actually doing it onstage! There was one point where this guy literally grabbed this other guy and started humping him. We got mooned, etc. Oh, that's a great show if you're ever in NY and need a laugh. When we got out of there, we went to this little Deli place in Times Square and had a piece of cheesecake and then we went back to the hotel. Apparently my roommates were some of those who decided to stay in and sleep. Well, I was wired from such a funny show and cheesecake on top of it, so a bunch of us went into the guys' room. There were probably 12 people in a room which was clearly meant for 4 at the most. That was fun. I got back to my room about 1:00 or so, and was in bed by 2:30.

Thursday we went to Madame Toussaud's Wax Museum. I got to take a picture with a statue of Lucille Ball ::dies!::. That one's getting blown up and going on my shrine to Lucy. We sang Karaoke (the YMCA, haha!). We went to Macy's and 5th Avenue and the like. That was nice to go and say, "Ooooh. So there is really someone on this earth who can afford this?" On the upside, I tried Sushi for the first time. I had "California Rolls". I liked it, but a few other people in our group tried it and didn't. I really think that Sushi gets a bad rep just b/c it's raw fish. If someone were to eat it and didn't know what it was and still didn't like it, I'd understand. I guess I just think that some people go into it not liking it, so of course they don't once they actually get it in their mouths. We went to Central Park (or was that Wednesday?). Anyway, we went. And then we walked back to Times Square. We had about 3 hours to kill, so we went to Applebee's and Cold Stone and pretty much just collapsed. Chelsea and Levin and Joey had never been to Cold Stone before, so they were asking me about it.

Levin: This ice-cream better be orgasmic at these prices.
Chelsea: Hey, Suzanne, is this ice-cream orgasmic?
Me: I wouldn't say orgasmic, but it's pretty damn close.
Chelsea: ::laughs hysterically:: I love you. You're funny. I never knew you were so funny.

That night we went to see Tarzan. It was okay, but I wouldn't waste my money on it if I were you. It's still in previews, so I hope it'll be better by opening night. It was just...too much. People swinging...the effect was cool and all, but you'd be in the middle of a scene and some random person would swing across the stage. It was weird. And it ended on kind of a low note (pardon the pun). Jane forgot her glove. It was kind of like she forgot her glove and then saw that Tarzan had it and just said, "Oh, I think I'll stay here now." It was weird.

We got back "home" at about 8:30 Friday morning. Then I came home and literally took a shower, got in bed and didn't get out again until 10:00 Saturday morning. I woke up about 6:00 Friday night, called Corey, talked to him until 2:48 in the morning (8 hours and 47 minutes!) and then went back to sleep.

Oh, and apparently Corey and I are the most confusing couple ever...which is pretty interesting, considering we're not a couple. If you know Corey...ahem...you see my point. And, I discovered that the entire Drama Club says that they hate everyone else in the Drama club. The funny thing is that everyone knows that everyone hates everyone else but them. For instance, A thinks that Z hates the rest of the alphabet except for A. B thinks that Z hates the rest of the alphabet except B, and so on. It's crazy the way they talk about each other. I'm thankful to have the friends I do - ones who don't talk about everyone else all the time and ones who don't talk about me all the time.

( Unrelated Rant about all the fuss about the Da Vinci Code )

Date:	2006-04-17 00:53
Subject:	I agree
Security:	Public
Mood:	recumbent

A lot has been said about how to prevent rape.
Women should learn self-defense.
Women should lock themselves in their houses after dark.
Women shouldn't have long hair and women shouldn't wear short skirts.
Women shouldn't leave drinks unattended. Fuck, they shouldn't dare to get drunk at all.

How about:

1.)If a woman is drunk, don't rape her.
2.)If a woman is walking alone at night, don't rape her.
3.)If a women is drugged and unconscious, don't rape her.
4.)If a woman is wearing a short skirt, don't rape her.
5.)If a woman is jogging in a park at 5 a.m., don't rape her.
6.)If a woman looks like your ex-girlfriend you're still hung up on, don't rape her.
7.)If a woman is asleep in her bed, don't rape her.
8.)If a woman is asleep in your bed, don't rape her.
9.)If a woman is doing her laundry, don't rape her.
10.)If a woman is in a coma, don't rape her.
11.)If a woman changes her mind in the middle of or about a particular activity, don't rape her.
12.)If a woman has repeatedly refused a certain activity, don't rape her.
13.)If a woman is not yet a woman, but a child, don't rape her.
14.)If your girlfriend or wife is not in the mood, don't rape her.
15.)If your step-daughter is watching TV, don't rape her.
16.)If you break into a house and find a woman there, don't rape her.
17.)If your friend thinks it's okay to rape someone, tell him it's not, and that he's not your friend.
18.)If your "friend" tells you he raped someone, report him to the police.
19.)Ifyour frat-brother or another guy at the party tells you there's anunconscious woman upstairs and it's your turn, don't rape her, call thepolice and report him as a rapist.
20.)Tell your sons, god-sons, nephews, grandsons, and sons of friends that it's not okay to rape someone.

***Don'tjust tell your women friends how to be safe and avoid rape.***Don'timply that she could have avoided it if she'd only done/not done x,y orz.***Don't imply that it's in any way her fault.***Don't let silenceimply agreement when someone tells you he "got some" with the drunkgirl.***Don't perpetuate a culture that tells you that you have nocontrol over or responsibility for your actions.*** You can, too, helpyourself.***


If you agree, repost it. It's that important.

"We blame her for being there
We're all here.
We're all guilty."

Date:	2006-03-15 18:29
Subject:	weirdness
Security:	Public
Mood:	depressed
Music:	Chopsticks - played badly

So, needless to say, I really hate my father for not letting me on the internet at all. Yeah, like I've said before, it sucks veeeeeeeery much.

Also, I'm getting kind of depressed lately. This is weird b/c I haven't been like that for quite some time. I used to do some pretty self-destructive things and I found myself last night wanting to just not care about anything and do all of those things again. I have been doing pretty good up until now, but it suddenly just seems to be tumbling down. I guess it's okay, b/c I tend to be able to deal with and hide things pretty well. I have the amazing ability to just pretend nothing's wrong when everything is actually wrong. I don't know what to do to get rid of this crap. It's like everything stupid or wrong that I've ever done is just coming to the forefront of my mind and it won't get out. I just want to sleep forever...or at least until I wake up as another person. I can look at my life objectively, and it all seems pretty good. But living inside this is hell. A mainly self-invoked hell, but hell nonetheless. I suppose I can just get up and move on with everything. I guess that I'm subconciously thinking that maybe if I pretend long enough, all that bad stuff will just go away. Logically, I know that's not true, but that doesn't change the fact that I feel the need to pretend that everything's fine.

Who knows? Maybe all of this is just the culmination of a long period of stuff. Maybe part of it has to do with the fact that I'm tired. Maybe I'm just tired b/c of all this. I feel the need to go listen to Origa or something. Alas, I can't b/c I'm at school.

Oh, and guess what else. My mother has a six to eight inch tumor on her ovary. And apparantly, nobody actually believes this. My grandmother's in the hospital again, and she had to get stuff done to her hip, which came out being a pretty big deal. She had surgery yesterday and everything came out all right, so maybe that'll turn out okay.

My brother's home from college this week. Nuff said.

Oh, and play practice is starting to run later and later, which just means that I'm at this abysmal place longer. It's funny, I used to look forward to play practice b/c it meant getting away from home, but now I just don't want to do it at all. Completely unrelated topic: I just looked at a picture of our director (I'm in her office right now) and she really looks like a rat in that picture. Anyway, my life seems really great, which is why my current situation is so confusing. Idk. Idk anything anymore.

Date:	2006-03-01 14:37
Subject:	my freakin father
Security:	Public
Mood:	pissed off

Okay, so I\'m now in Spanish Class on the internet, b/c my fuckin idiot father has me locked out of the internet at home. He\'s put security settings on it where I have to have a password not only to get on the internet, but to get on the computer at all. You wanna know the real bitch of it, though? I haven\'t done anything to warant this at all. I don\'t do things that are wrong in the least...on the internet, anyway. This sucks. He has to put in the password, and then he freakin stands right behind me! it sucks. really.

1. Spell your name backward: ennazus

2. Story behind your first name: My mom wanted part of her name in there...anne...that's about it.

3. Whens your birthday: October 10

4. Where do you live: Satan's rectum

DESCRIBE YOUR:

5. Wallet: It has a black and white pic of Lucy and Desi on it and a couple of coffee stains scattered here and there...

6. Eyes: hazel, usually some form of blue or gray.

7. Toothbrush: silver and, um...brushy?

8. Jewelry worn daily: My rainbow ring. There's a story behind it, but it would take a long time to explain and it would come out all emo and crap. And my necklace that usually has a music note and treble clef on it, but sometimes I'll switch it for my "monopoly piece" as Corey calls it.

9. Cell Phone: blue Motorola flip phone.

10. Pillow cover right now: white with lace around the edges. ugh.

11. Car: Invisible, and rather slow.

12. Bedroom: Lavendar, and girly and really just...not me. It's big, though, so, I guess it's alright. I have a nice little "play wall" and a shrine to Lucy, but that's where I end as an influence in there.

13. Sunglasses: nonexistant.

14. Computer: Silver flat-screen Gateway.

15. Cologne/Perfume: bleh! I hate the stuff!

16. CD in stereo right now: round, with a hole in the middle...it's Depeche Mode, and Weezer, and, (God help me) Fall out Boy.

17. Piercings: 2 in each ear

18. What you are wearing: My black vans, socks, jeans, a turqoise sweater, and my black peacoat.

20. Wanting: To talk to someone for real.

21. What are you doing after this: a Spanish project maybe?

22. If you could get away with it and murder anyone who would it be: hmm....that's a toughie. I'm gonna have to think about it and get back to you. OH, my dad. Yeah, I'd kill him if I knew I wouldn't get caught.

23. Person you wish you could see right now: Corey? Or, maybe Jared/Milou? yeah, I kinda need to talk to the latter, so I guess him.

24. The reason you're doing this: I'm kinda bored

25. Something you're looking forward to in the coming week: Uh...play practice, I guess?

26. Something you just ate: a green apple

27. Something you are deathly afraid of: It sounds so emo, and I'm sorry, but well...living with this horrible ache inside of me like I had a while back. It's awful and I'll do anything not to have that back.

28. Do you like candles: Oh, God yes! Especially this coffee-scented one that I have in my room! so gooood!

29. Do you like incense: depends on what it smells like. The stuff they've got in the Alternative shop isn't half bad. Well...some of it, anyway.

30. Do you like the taste of blood: ...yes.

31. Do you believe in love: Not for everyone, but I believe it exists.

32. Do you believe in love at first sight: no. You have to get to know someone before you can love them. I believe in lust at first sight, if it means anything.

34. Do you believe in Heaven: umm...I'm not really sure anymore. I'd have to say...not really.

35. Do you believe in God: Yes. I'd classify myself as a Deist, so yeah, God's right there. Well...more like over there, but you get the picture.

36. Do you believe in Satan: yes.

39. Can you eat with chopsticks: yep. I can almost eat rice with them too!

40. What's your favorite coin?: quarter. They're easy to keep track of, easy to spend, but the cashiers still go crazy when you hand them like a million of them to pay for something.

41. What are some of your favorite candles: I really just like anything that smells like coffee or hazelnut or pumpkin pie or anything like that. Sometimes I go for the lighter scents, though.

43. What's something you wish you could understand better: why in the world someone would try to change an essential part of their being that they were born with. nd why someone else would feel the need to try to make them change that.

44. Who did you last kiss: last would be...Corey, but it was a joke, so it doesn't really count.

45. Who did you last text: I think Alex, maybe?

46. Who have you rung today?: Rung? does that mean called? No one.

47. Are you shy around your crush: Um...no. I'm rarely shy anyway.

48. What is your away message: I don't have one?

49. Do you know what it feels like to be in love?: I think so. Yeah, pretty sure of it, actually.

50. Would you sacrifice your favorite possession for your best friend?: Oh yeah! I don't think I have anything that could amount to my best friend.

Date:	2006-02-20 20:16
Subject:	A day of...hmm...
Security:	Public
Mood:	frustrated
Music:	Depeche Mode - John the Revelator

Okay so today was...odd. I don't really know how to sum it up in one word, it was just kinda off.

1st: Casey's in there and he just kept calling me Daisy Duke the whole time and picking glass out of his notebook and throwing it at me and stuff. He kept saying (I have no idea why...::whistles nonchalantly::), "Hey, Daisy, want some more broken glass?! Here, have it! I've got plenty!" Eh, guess I deserve it, though, huh? Other than that, we had to go into the blue lab and take these online quiz things and Mr. Alvarado didn't realize that you could open two windows, click "check all answers" and then just fill in the right ones and have that be the copy that you print out. Oh well, I got I think five 100s that I seriously needed, so it's all good.

2nd: My teacher (Mr. Phillips, whom I actually like quite a bit now) overheard me and a friend of mine talking about the wreck and then started teasing me relentlessly. It's okay though, I know he was just doing it all in good fun. He would say stuff like, "And now we're studying brain cells, which Ms. Reckless over here doesn't have any of." He asked to see my bald spot, which then caused everybody in the class to ask to see it, and then...well...one thing led to another. I'm now the balding girl (instead of the bearded lady, get it?) Yeah, pretty lame joke, but hey, at least I can roll with it! Some people wouldn't be able to. Haha, roll with it! I didn't even realize what I said until after I typed it.

3rd: Chorus. I think that Ms. Kennedy just wants us to do stuff for the play in there from now til the play's over. First half, a bunch of us went to the lab and tried to make posters. Mine was awful!!!! I had a phonograph up there and "The Sound of Music". That was it. I mean, ticket information and stuff, but yeah, no other pictures or anything. It was pretty bad. Then we went back into the classroom, and then she put on...guess what...The Sound Of Music! I'm gonna be sick of this play before we even start practicing the whole thing all the way through! Anyway, some people actually watched it, some studied, some went on errands for her, and my group played cards. Yep, that's a productive class for ya.

4th: AP. Kathi (this loudmouth who sits beside me who never...NEVER shuts up. I love her, but geez! Take a breath once in a while!) was rambling about this guy that she likes but she just "isn't sure if he likes her too." gag me! I hate it when girls talk about nothing but boys! ugh....

( Ozian Dilemmas )

By the way, don’t ever make a contraction out of the two words “who” and “are”. It comes out…not good. I just realized that a while back when I was reading and that contraction just popped up. It took me a few seconds to realize what it was trying to say.

So, yesterday Corey and I decided to skip 3rd and 4th period. That was all good and everything, then Casey came up and decided to come with us...still fine. We went to the mall and met a bunch of people who have college courses later and I got the fifth Harry Potter book, we went into the Alternative Shop...etc. We then went to see the river and just kinda wandered around in the woods for a while. We bounced on a fallen tree for a while, or rather, Corey and Casey did; I finally did right before we left. Corey called it, "Nature's Trampoline." That was great fun, but then Casey wanted to go back to school for 4th period. We took him back and stuff and then Corey and I decided to go to Wal-Mart. That's when things started getting bad.

We decided to take this dirt road that winds through these fields and then comes back out onto a road that leads up to Wal-Mart. There are also train tracks crossing this road. We decided to be idiots and try to catch some air coming off of them. We hit them the first time at about 60 mph. We caught some pretty good air, and it was fun and so we got stupider and decided to turn around and do it again. Second time, went fine again. Then we turned around and hit them at a little bit above sixty. We started swerving and all I heard was Corey go, "shit." I looked back, and I saw the back end going into the ditch. At this point, I said, "yep, we're screwed." I thought originally that we were just going to be stuck in the ditch and our parents would find out that we had been skipping. Then, I'm not entirely sure how it happened, but the car started flipping. I think we flipped twice, maybe? Once I realized that we were flipping, I just curled up into as tight of a ball as I could manage. My head hit the ground a couple of times through the place the window used to be. Once we had stopped rolling, I got out of the car and then Corey came around the side with his hands all covered in blood. The first thing he said was, "Are you okay?" Oh, yeah, I'm alright, but he had to get stitches. From the looks of the car, most of the damage was on my side, but I definitely didn't get more damage to myself. I lost a huge clump of hair where it got caught in the door. I'm super sore, but I'm okay. I wish I knew how he was.

First person, other than the dude plowing the field who came running over and called the EMS and everything, that I saw was none other than my uncle. He was looking at Corey, who was getting his hands washed off with sterile water and bandaged up and everything, but then he walked over to me. It took him a second to realize who he was looking at, and then he just said, "damn, shug." He called mama, b/c I couldn't get everything to work right. When he got off the phone and said that she was coming, my only response was to say shit, to the amusment of most of the EMS squad there.

Mama comes up crying and stuff, decides to take me to the hospital herself instead of wasting money on an ambulance. Once we got there, Corey and his parents were already there. We waited and then went back and filled out paperwork, and then waited, and then went back into the actual rooms, and then waited. Boy am I glad that I wasn't in mortal danger! I had to get X-rays and stuff. Comes out that I just have whiplash and hair loss. A couple of scrapes and bruises and everything, but nothing horrible. While we were waiting, Corey's mom and mine started talking and then me and Corey started talking. He was still bleeding. It had been like two hours and he was still bleeding. Scared me half to death. He kept apologizing too. IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT!!!!!!! IT WAS BOTH OF US!!!!!!

This whole time, I'm not really worried about how badly I'm hurt or anything, just dreading what would happen when I got home. So, you can imagine my shock when, after getting a shower, I went downstairs to find out that I'm not going to be punished at all. wtf? The only semblance of a punishment I got was that I now have to have my cell phone downstairs at eight every night. I'm in shock. I don't get it. Why didn't they punish me? I skipped school. With a boy whom everyone considers to be my "boyfriend". And got in a wreck. What's not to punish? I don't get it.

I know he's caught a lot of shit undoubtedly. Unless his parents are like mine...which they're not. Totalled his car and skipped school...yeah, I'd say he definitely got a lot more than me. I just wish I knew how he was doing.

Date:	2006-01-28 19:25
Subject:	Grounded.
Security:	Public
Mood:	mischievous
Music:	A baby screaming, a child screaming, and a puppy barking

Okay, somehow, someway, my mother found out that I lied to her Monday about Bible study. I didn't actually lie to her, though, I just wasn't fully truthful. Apparently that's the same thing. This is insane. I'm now grounded for two weeks. No phone (which is about to kill me. I NEED MY SATAN!!!!!), no internet (we all see how that's working) and no TV for two weeks! No worries, though! I'm babysitting right now and on the internet while they eat and play and do other things that children do. I borrowed Dune (the mini series) from Corey, and I must say that it is wonderful, and I still haven't figured out how to get around the phone thing. I think I might actually have to wait that one out. Oh well, two out of three defiances ain't bad at all.

Another plus of being grounded is that my mom feels bad about my not being able to do stuff. We went shopping yesterday and I got two new pocket books (my BIG weakness), a shirt, and two new pairs of jeans. I never would have gotten all that if I wasn't grounded, so this is working out just fine for me!

I plan on finishing Dune tonight, big aspirations, I know. I'm already two hours into it, so it won't be but...::calculates madly::...two and a half hours longer. I'll have to wait until my parents go to sleep, throw a blanket over myself and the TV, and then I can watch it. My dad seriously goes outside to check and see if he sees a glow from the TV. What fun.

I've played more Sudoku than I ever thought possible, games on my calculator, and endless games of Solitaire. I've also almost finished Catcher in the Rye. I'm getting a lot of productive things done, if you can't tell. (notice severe sarcasm) I'm also doing...other things. Casey/Carlos suggested that I do these...other things...for the entire two weeks that I was grounded. I told him I'd probably get kinda tired. He promptly said that he wouldn't. You know what's sad? I really don't think he would. I mean, he'd have to take a break eventually to go to sleep and eat and stuff, but other than that, I think he could go for two weeks straight. I know his brother probably could ::wink wink::

Date:	2006-01-25 19:45
Subject:	new semester, same old story.
Security:	Public
Mood:	nerdy
Music:	Gabriela Robin and other such things...

A synopsis of my day from the point of view of a gumshoe. It's the only way I can make light of it.

( First Period )

( Second Period )

( Third Period )

( Fourth Period )

Yesterday was...fabulous, to say the least. Corey and I went to Greenville and pretty much just wasted the whole day goofing off. A good portion of it was spent driving around in circles, though. We literally just drove around in circles in the parking lot of the Greenville Mall and then took a wrong turn and drove around in more circles. We went through this little apartment-ish complex thing and just made a big loop. We went to Best Buy, the Mall, Barnes & Nobles, Circuit City, Target, and then Best Buy again. Then we went back to his house where I was told that I smell good. We also played some form of mind games with Casey. I swear he thinks we're going out. Oh, if only he knew the truth...

I watched part of Dune (which I will indelably borrow from Corey at some point), and then, when I got home, PHANTOM!!!!! I love Phantom! I watched it for a film review a while back but I got it yesterday and therefore had to watch it. Oh that music is fabulous...the story is fabulous...the costumes are fabulous...everything was fabulous!

One word to sum up my day: fabulous. An odd thing considering how sucky Saturday was. Oh well, that's just how the moon goes, I guess.

I also have play practice tonight. Wish me luck with all that operatic crap.

Date:	2006-01-22 15:23
Subject:	major suckage
Security:	Public
Mood:	numb
Music:	a lot of randomness

Yesterday really sucked. really. I haven't actually had a day that bad in quite a while. First of all, I found out either Friday or Thursday night that my ex is going out with this reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaalllllllllllllllllllllly flamoyantly gay guy. So, then I had to wonder...anyway, I got cheered up partially by Corey. He always knows how to do the trick, even though he doesn't think so. Then, yesterday, I had to go to Raleigh for Quiz Bowl with that same guy. I wanted to strangle him by the time we were in Goldsboro! I tried being mean to him and he didn't get it! Then I just completely ignored him and talked to this guy named Martin (not a plus, that's my dad's name) that came with us to see his cousin who was also on the team. He was...um...nice. He was somewhere in between 302 and 91204. He had very, very nice hands. I seriously just sat there and stared at his hands for quite some time. yeah, wow.

We get to Quiz Bowl and lose miserably. I knew most of the answers, but I couldn't buzz in in time. Many profanities.

Then we went to Crabtree. I ate lunch with my parents and then went into the mall. I met up with the other peoples with us and we ended up in Spencer's. That guy was...oppressively gay. See, I don't mind if you're homosexual as long as you're not like...that. I've said on many occasions that he's just like a girl with an extra appendage. I don't even hang out with girls that act like him! My God, I coudln't take it. He finally went to sleep on the way home, thank God! Then Martin, Matthew and I talked all the way home. That wasn't so bad.

But oh, when I got home the day got a lot worse. We pull up to my house and there's this lump in the middle of the road. We live in rural Lenoir County, there's always road kill, so I didn't think anything of it. Then, my dad just goes, "Oh, my God, that's Molly!" Molly is our dog that's been with us for two or three years now. She was only about three years old at the most. She wasn't even too messed up! It looked like she had been hit right in the top of her head. If she had been hit much differently, she might not have even died! It still hasn't fully hit me. My mom cried, my dad...well, he's in his own world where I'm sure there is some sadness. I still haven't broken down or anything. The longer I go without crying, the less likely I feel it is to happen. I'm gonna miss her.

Exams suck. Seriously, they suck.

( Exam Grades )

Date:	2006-01-15 20:48
Subject:	God, I hate homophobes!
Security:	Public
Mood:	pissed off

Okay, so last week was very long and very involved and I didn't actually have time to get on here if I had been allowed to. My mother made a rule that I can't get on the internet at all unless my room's clean. Well, suffice it to say that it's not. My parents went to take my brother back to school today and won't be back until tomorrow night! YIPPEEEE!!!!! I'm doing everything that my parents would kill me for and loving every minute of it!

( Synopsis of Last Week )

( Debate Rant )

I have to start out by saying that I think that the moon has a serious effect on our behavior. A few weeks back, there was a series of completely unrelated fights at our highschool. That happened to be the same week that my father and I got in a HUGE fight. I now find out that today, the day when my father and I got in yet another fist fight, Mae and her father did as well. I suspect that hers was just the culmination of a lot of stuff, though.

Today we were putting Christmas stuff up. Still. We finally got all of it up, but we'd been doing it since last Tuesday. My father was in the attic, I was on the stairs, my brother was on the floor right below the stairs and my mother was God knows where. G-Mar(my brother) would pass stuff to me and I would pass it to my father. I positively loathe my father, but G-Mar wouldn't help by being the one on the stairs who had to talk to him, so there I was. Then I noticed that the cat box needed cleaning. It's my job b/c I'm the only one upstairs now that G-Mar's in college. We have one of those automatic litter boxes that rakes the stuff into a box with a lid after every visit. We happen to be out of the boxes. I made the grave mistake of mentioning that fact to my father. Then, all hell broke loose.

Dad started yelling at me about cleaning it more often and then it wouldn't need new boxes more often. This was a lot more involved when he was saying it. He spent about thirty minutes saying that. So then, I just said okay and went on about my business. Then he started yelling at me about my tone, which, by the way, was not in any way bad. So we go downstairs b/c he's not a big boy yet and goes crying to mommmy every time he can't handle something. Mom listens to what happened and then just looked at him and goes, "Marty, you're delusional." I could have died laughing! Then he comes over towards me and raises his hand back to hit me. I obviously moved out of the way like any sane person would. So then he thinks he has a leg to stand on b/c I defied him. He had no legs to stand on. I'm so happy I took Tae Kwon Doe! As I rolled out of the way I kicked his legs out from under him and stood up. Then I had the upper hand, you see? Anyway, he got up, hit me a couple times, I hit him a couple times and now it's all good. Neither one of us has any more respect for the other, nor will we listen to each other. Everything is now just as peachy keen as it was before all that happened. I have a slight mark under my eye where he hit me, but that's about it. He, on the other hand, has several bruises on his legs and on his face. I love that I can beat my father up!

After we got through with that little coup-de-etat I just went upstairs and drew some lovely little faeiries. I love faeries! And Nymphs! And Druids! And...I could go on forever, but I won't.

What did you do in 2005 that you'd never done before?
had a boyfriend...kissed two random SITTers

Did anyone close to you give birth?
I don't think so.

Did anyone close to you die?
um...no

What countries did you visit?
haha. I have to lie to get my parents to let me go to Goldsboro. yeah, no way I'm getting out of the country.

What would you like to have in 2006 that you lacked in 2005?
A sane outlook on life.

What was your biggest achievement of the year?
breaking several addictions.

What was your biggest failure?
not breaking several other addictions.

What was the best thing you bought?
a series of April 6th presents for a friend of mine. We decided that Christmas was symbolic, so we're celebrating it on April 6th. yeah...I know...we're weird. It's fun though!

Whose behavior merited celebration?
Nobody's that I can think of. People sucked this year.

Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Steven's, and Tino's, and Ms. Scott's, and mine on occasion.

Where did most of your money go?
In the bank, where it lies safely to this day.

What did you get really, really, really excited about?
apparently nothing, b/c nothing comes to mind. Oh, maybe getting a named part in the play? I don't even care that I have lines, I'm just excited to have a name!

What song will always remind you of 2005?
Helena - My Chemical Romance

Compared to this time last year, are you:
Happier or sadder? Happier. I'm not wallowing in that stupid pit of despair anymore, and I have real friends, not just crap fake plastic ones.
Thinner or fatter? about the same
Richer or poorer? Richer! I had a job this summer, and have a little of that left over, and I got a ton of Christmas money, so as Pink Floyd would say: "Money, it's a gas..."

What do you wish you'd done more of?
telling the truth. The complete unadulterated truth.

What do you wish you'd done less of?
getting addicted to things that I then had to get un-addicted to.

How will you be spending/did you spend Christmas?
I opened presents, ate breakfast at my grandparent's house, got online, ate dinner at my grandparent's house, stayed up until ungodly hours in the morning while reading and listening to music.

Did you fall in love in 2005?
yeah...twice, I think. More so the second time.

How many one-night stands?
Well...There was that Coffee Stand that I went to one night....None! I just got my first kiss, for goodness sakes!

What were your favorite TV programs?
Gilmore Girls, I Love Lucy, ummm....that's about it. Sometimes Video IQ if I could steal away from my parents to watch "evil music channels".

Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
Ummm....I think that I've hated the people I do now for a good long time.

What was the best book you read?
I can't pick one book, but the best series I read was the Ender saga by Orson Scott Card.

What was your greatest musical discovery?
all that "evil anime music" that Corey introduced me to.

What did you want and get?
far too much to list here.

What did you want and not get?
sanity, freedom from that stupid regime my parents have set up, a fricken completely straight boyfriend!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What were your favorite films of this year?
The Ring II - absolutely hillarious, Boogeyman - ditto, Star Wars Episode III, that's about it. Harry Potter was a bit of a let down and Narnia was good, but nothing amazing.

First of all...HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!

Now that that's out of the way, I can get down to business.

I wrote the poem "the Great Quake of '05" a while back and just found it today in my next to last notebook. I was chronicling all my notebooks from this year, you know, seeing how my style evolved and all that crap. It might not have been curiosity about myself, though. It may have just been boredom. I think it was more of the latter than the former.

I just finished reading the DaVinci Code, and it's really good. I have a friend who was just like, "Okay, shut up about the sacred feminine already!" I honestly don't agree, and that's not just because I'm female. I just like learning. Random knowledge is my bread and butter. I thought that the book was well-structured, meticulously researched, and of course, enthralling. With exception of the last adjective, I sounded like I was critiquing a textbook. haha. Anyway, if you have yet to read it, which I highly doubt, you must pick it up some time. It seems like I am the last person on Earth to read it, but at least I finally did. And that twist, omfg! I seriously was not expecting that! I was thinking that it would be Fache or something, but not him!!!! When "the Teacher" was finally revealed, I was seriously astounded. I had to read that paragraph several times to figure out the fact that I was reading it right! I know, I'm dense, I should have figured it out when his character was first introduced...but omg!

In other news, I have a ton of homework that I'm probably not going to do. yep, that's my inner-scholar coming out, alright. I was supposed to read a book for English, didn't do it. I was supposed to do a research project on Afghanistan, didn't do it. I was supposed to do about six packets for AP Euro, didn't do them. I was supposed to do two packets for Algebra II, didn't do them either. Next week is gonna suck majorly for me in school, but that's the sacrifice I made for a week of silent peace.

I have officially watched far too many episodes of "Gilmore Girls" in a row. I got the fifth season for Christmas, and my mother and I watched the first three discs on Thursday, and then I finished it off today. Geez, nine straight hours of Gilmore Girls will make anyone sick. I also ate an entire bag of Cheetos and Peanut M&Ms - not a good combination. Ugh. I feel sick.

I went to Goldsboro yesterday. Then we went to Pizza Hut where it took like half an hour for the girl to take our drink order and then another hour for her to realize that she hadn't taken our regular order. Most of the day was spent in Pizza Hut. I was then going to go stock up my MP3 player, but alas, it was not to be. My mother wanted me home by four and by the time we got out of Pizza Hut there wasn't enough time for me to go over to my friend's house and steal music. Meh.

When I got home, I had to eat with my cousins. Then we had a canasta tournament. For those of you who don't know how to play canasta, here:

http://www.pagat.com/rummy/canasta.html

Ali-Dee and I won. We kicked some major ass, not even kidding. At the end, we had 7035 to our parents' 4285. haha. If I didn't know how much my mother wanted to win, I would think that our parents let us win. haha.

I'm terribly sorry for this super long post, but I have yet figured out how to insert a successful lj-cut. If you have tips, please leave them. I would be eternally grateful.

A line from a fantastic anime song. Lyrics:

http://www.animelyrics.com/forum/topic_show.pl?tid=22247

HAHA! I'm listening to anime music in my parents' house! That's just so oddly ironic that I can hardly bear it. Not only that, but I got Norah Jones's CD today too! Yippee!!!! I shall have a night of unimaginable fun with music. Sorry, that came out a little wrong, didn't it?

***

The first practice for The Sound of Music is tonight and I must go. I have lines, and therefore must endure the eternal prep-dom of so many people that will be there. Oh, and Jared will be there too...yay. Jared is my ex and, well, let's just say he's a little odd. He's...kinda...weird. He once passed up the opportunity to talk to me to read a Merlin book. This was while we were still dating. yeah. we went out twice, each time for about a month, and he never once kissed me. wtf. anyways, I'm sure this whole godforsaken experience would be made better by the Admiral coming. I know he only has nine lines, but geez, I'll be there! why wouldn't he want to come? ;) He should want to spend as much time with me as he possibly can. Oh, Lee/Dudley/Tex/Admiral VonSomethingorother, why won't you come? Just come, already! Oh, I know what you're thinking too, and that's not what I'm thinking.

I've been waking up super early lately and it's really annoying. I woke up at 5:00 this morning and then had to lay in bed until 8:30 so that mom and dad had time to get the presents under the tree. I was very bored. And, I went to bed at like 3:00 am, too! WTF?!

Okay, I wasn't expecting a big Christmas this year. It's my brother's first year in college and my grandma's been sick and stuff, so I know we are kinda tight on money. I asked for two things. A pair of Vans and the DaVinci Code. I really wasn't expecting the DaVinci Code b/c well...my parents are....how shall I put this....nazi-rific? They censor everything. Books, movies, CDs, TV, internet stuff, nothing can escape their grasp. Unless, that is, I'm gently guiding it around their searching hands. I can't read fantasy books, read most modern fiction, watch a good 93% of movies, etc. Pretty much anything that isn't proclaiming the name of Jesus left and right is out. Harry Potter: SATAN! The DaVinci Code: SATAN! Mary Had a Little Lamb: SATAN!(not really, I'm just trying to make a point). It's truly horrible, but they have prepared me well for life. I must say that I now know how to hide things very well.

***

DaVinci Conversation:

Mom: Why do you want to read that?
Me: b/c it's like essential for modern life...
Mom: But it's just indoctrinating you with anti-Christian ideas.
Me: But you've just been indoctrinating me with your perception of the truth my entire life.
Mom: ...It...is..the truth...
Me: Fine. Whatever. ::goes upstairs and reads SATAN! (fantasy)::

***

Christmas Confusion Conversation:

Opened first present, and what did I see?
The DaVinci Code, and it was for me!
"There's one condition," she said as I felt my heart sink,
"You must watch this DVD, a disclaimer, I think."

I opened the DVD, and to my great surprise,
There lay a movie, a Bible right before my eyes.
"I will watch this," I said,"Just gimme that book!"
I grabbed it and started reading, barely escaping their looks.


Yeah, other than the shoes and DaVinci Code, I got a lot of I Love Lucy stuff. I Love Lucy - opoly...yeah, it's cool though. And a calendar and ornament and stuff... DVDs galore! I got "Gone With the Wind", the book and the movie, The sound of Music, Fifth season of Gilmore Girls, A double-breasted black peacoat, a bunch of charms for my charm bracelet, a flash drive, 512 MB MP3 player (YAY!), other stuff like that...

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!!

I am in love. Completely and totally, 100% in love with Nightmare of You. They are amazing! Absolutely and any other synonyms you can think of for absolutely. If you can think of any more, leave me a comment and tell me what they are. I'm kinda having brain-freeze right now. Anyway, back to NoY. I have this one song stuck in my head called "Thumbalina", it's just awesome! Not only are the lyrics good, and that's always important to me, but the melody is just so addictive. Oh, btw, I burned the CD, and therefore don't have the actual names of the songs, so if you were planning on looking it up, then it might be spelled wrong. Their whole CD is wicked! I mean good wicked, not bad wicked... Check out their site, I promise, you'll become addicted. Their single is called "I want to be buried in Your Back Yard", and I am sure that's spelled right. Just, wow! They're pretty Indie, so if you like that genre, check them out! I've had the CD for a while, but I suddenly just fell in love with it. *Matronly voice* You should buy their CD, not burn it, you hooligans.

http://www.nightmareofyou.com/

Go have fun, you internet gremlins!